Have you ever wondered what it's like to want something so much that your heart feels likes its going to break everytime you see somebody with the thing you want?
Have you ever felt such a jealousy of people who have what you don't?
Do you know what it feel like when you need to show joy your face, and in your actions, but inside you're crying?
That's what I feel like when people tell me they're expecting a baby. That's how I feel with every new baby I meet.
But it's time to do something about it... the time is right, it's time to consider the road to adoption.
Come on that journey with me, help me along the way. There's going to be excitement, joy, frustration, upset, impatience, mis-understanding, and a partner who needs just a little more convincing...Seat belts on folks...
In your 20's, you sort of take having a child for granted. You're young, healthy, having fun, and the time for babies seems a long way off. Slowly you start age. You get established in your job, you meet the man/woman you want to be with for the rest of your life. You start to plan for the future. The future included children, but not quite yet.
Then you receive news that changes the rest of your life. It puts some things into perspective, it gives you a sense of purpose. You understand how precious life is. You start to live it, and appreciate it for what it is.
You then have feelings of bitterness, of jealousy that eats in to the heart of you... that is the part of your heart that hasn't already been smashed to smithereens by the news that had the biggest change on you ever... YOU'RE INFERTILE. Not only are you infertile, barren, unable to conceive, won't be having babies, but even if you could, you could never carry full term. Your womb/uterus is damaged beyond repair and is not strong enough to carry a child.
OUCH!
Now some people say... you're alive! Be grateful for what you've got! Stop playing the victim! Think of all those who didn't survive.
They don't understand. They don't know of the longing inside that starts to consume you. They don't understand that just because you can survive cancer doesn't mean that you brush every other emotion and feeling to the side. There's more to me than being a cancer surviver. I'm more dimensional than that! You'll discover that in time.
Well, Dave and I have been together over 9 years. We have survived possible job losses and my cancer. We have worked through all sorts of problems, both emotional and physical. We understand that marriage may be for the future, we understand that we may not.
Now it's time for our biggest challenge. We want to adopt. Ok, I'll be honest. I want to adopt, but Dave is a little slower coming round to the idea. Over the next few months I will be researching the route to adoption, and talking Dave round to it. If he can't feel happy with it, then I suppose this quest will have to stop. If he does come round, then it will be all systems go, and I will be recording our progress here.
Stick with us, we'll need all the support we can get!
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